i blame you

i blame you for making me feel this way

i blame you for letting me think that it could be possible

i blame you for this vagueness

i blame you for a lot of things

well, it’s not all your fault. i think i am to be blamed as well. well, sort of.

this is a classic case of me biting off more than i could chew. i never expected to have these feelings and thoughts about you again. but i opened the door and invited you in.

and i guess it’s all on me. i read between the lines too much. even if there is nothing there to read. and i blame myself for conjuring up these crazy scenarios in my head that left me expecting too much.

am i headed towards another heartache? i don’t think so, but if i don’t do anything about this, i am well on my way to brokenheartsville.

oh well, nobody dies from a broken heart, might as well risk it.

and yes, i blame you.

something to look forward to

last week, he said he was about 90% sure, and today, he said it’s a go! yay!

i am definitely going back to cebu. well this time, there’s a purpose of me being there: my friend’s wedding.

i met up with a friend in cebu, which was a surprise in itself, and he invited me to his wedding. i said yes right away. i have found the perfect excuse to go back to a city i have fallen in love with.

this time though i had to make sure i would be going there with someone. i didn’t want my plans to fizzle out like it did the first time.

so i asked a friend. he was my virtual tour guide when i was in cebu. every now and then i would call him or send him a text message and then he’d reply and recommend places. he was very helpful. that’s why i asked him if he wants to come with. and like a good, true friend, he said yes. 🙂

yay!

well, he wasn’t really sure at first so i was still crossing my fingers up until today. i think what finally sealed the deal was the PAL-hilton promo. it was too good to pass up.

so i’m definitely going there next month. and he has a good camera, so i’ll have better pictures this time.

this year is turning out to be a great year for cofiboi. so ‘yay’ would be an understatement, but is apt for now. 🙂

love story

i’m a sucker for shallow, unrealistic love stories. they all make love seem so effortless.

i was bored and i was just trying to kill time when i happened to read a very sappy gay love story. the plot was predictable: gay boy meets straight guy, gay boy falls in love for straight guy, straight guy gets confused then ends up falling for gay guy and they all end up happy.

yes, i read those kind of stuff. i know, at my age i should be reading meatier, more realistic, socially relevant stories. but reading these stories, pathetic as they are, are my guilty pleasures. i like reading them because it just goes to show how myopic some gay writers are and apparently, they can still dupe people like me into liking their stories.

my love stories aren’t as colorful.  they don’t involve confused straight guys. more often than not, my love stories (yes, i have a lot to share) involves pain, suffering and a lot of bitterness. but the good thing about that is i have learned to distinguish fact from fiction. what really happens when people fall in love and when they fall out of it. what makes a relationship go downhill. what happens when somebody leaves and what happens when someone is left behind to pick up all the shattered pieces.

so i read shallow love stories. because they remind me that love, in reality is not some huge romantic movie. there’s no big hollywood kiss in the end. there’s no one else to save the day and you have to work really hard to make a relationship work.

reading these sugar-coated love stories feels like i’m wearing beer goggles: everyone is attractive and all situations are ideal. and in my opinion, we need to wear those goggles sometimes. these stories make me feel young-er. 🙂

they remind me of the days when i had my love story planned out. the days when i wished that love, like life, would come with a manual.

i like reading those stories maybe because there’s that little hope inside me that maybe, just maybe, i’d have one of those too. teehee. 🙂

tease

since i’m too lazy to write about my cebu weekend, here’s a teaser:

or you can check the whole album here.

but i promise to write all about my trip soon. 🙂

silk

i have yet to post my cebu adventure, partly because i haven’t uploaded the pictures yet. 🙂

anyway, this poem has been running through my already overcrowded head the past few days and i think i have to write this down lest i forget it. 🙂

this is for my black russian, who happened to be white. 🙂

the touch of your sun-kissed skin burns mine

your sweat fuels the burning rumbling deep inside

in smooth, fluid motions you swept me off my feet

i run my fingers through your sandy blonde hair and sigh

you smiled, that wicked, naughty smile

the smile that won me over

when you said hello

as we lay on the sand and watch the sun set

i’m nestled in your arms, like a baby

i look at you, but you look away

then, like the surf lapping at the shore

you plant kisses

sweet kisses

long, breathless kisses

leaving me gasping for air

your strong arms encircling me

then you whispered: “let’s”

i answered yes