On my first day at the gym, my ultimate goal was not to die. So these were the things that were running through my head while I was making my way through the unexplored (in my case) territory called “the gym”:
- I seriously hope I don’t die today.
- The gym’s on the 3rd floor? I’ll take the stairs then. I’ll consider that as a warmup.
- Oh good, the place is not packed.
- Where’s the locker room?
- Wrong hallway, God, did I just try to go to the women’s locker room?
- Okay, found the men’s locker room, no people, that’s a good sign.
- So this is what a gym treadmill looks like. So many buttons! Do I need a college degree to operate this thing?
- Two minutes in, I think I can get used to this. Do peolple die on treadmills?
- Stretching time! Wait, you want me to do squats? Sure i’ll do squats. How many?
- Can we stop doing squats now? Can’t feel my legs!!!
- Oh Lorde, more squats!
- Oh good, we’re moving on to a machine. What is this thing called and how would it torture me?
- What do you mean “chest out”?
- These things are heavy!
- My heart can’t beat any faster. Is this the onset of a heart attack?
- Another machine. For legs. This one’s better. At least I get to sit down.
- Whoa, almost fell there. Dear legs, don’t give up on me yet.
- Water, I need water. Every cell in my body is screaming for water.
- Wait, more squats?!?
- Another machine. Leg curls. These things look like they could kill me.
- Why do others make this look so easy? Like the guy i’m next to. Was he born ripped?
- Don’t they have a “beginners'” area? I mean it’s my first day for crying out loud.
- Ten-minute jog, are you fucking kidding me? My legs are nothing but dead weight.
- Oh good, we’re done.
- Locker rooms make me aware of all the body issues I have. Yes, at 30, I still have body issues.
- Wait, why is walking down three steps of stairs feel like an Olympic sport? My legs, my legs are gone!
- This is so fun, let’s do this again!😊
I am a Filipino
I have a spirit that cannot be bent nor broken
I am remain resilient, unfazed and unbowed
I am a survivor
I fall, I lose, I cry but when the sun rises
I get up, I win and smile again
tattered and yellowed
cobwebbed and worn
cracked and beaten
the pages heavy with thoughts
i pry the book open, gingerly as i go
and then i am taken back
to a place where visions are cast
and my world used to be yours
with limitless hope, i write without fear
my future, our future
letter upon letter, word upon word, sentences on sentences
the blank pages became my canvass
to a masterpiece we once created, we once shared
written on eternal sunshine
read with the light of the moon
i touch the old and cracked page
and all the tales and all the stories
surround me like wisps of smoke
and then i breathe
the memory fades
the pages fall to the ground like ashes
the story ends and the book is closed
the pavement is wet
as i walk the streets tonight
i bid goodbye to summer
as i feel the cold wind’s kiss
and i look up
at the windows in the night
the lights, almost dancing but still as a lamp post
i walk further
windows, like eyes, stare at me
smiles and i smile back
the shadows moving inside, warm and inviting
a hand reaches out
i flinch slightly
your touch, like coals draw me in
i come to your window
my breath frosted the glass
and you move farther
and i keep on walking
the windows, still smiling in the night
where dreams awake
and reality slumbers
the moon smiles and the stars,
fiery like candles
burns away the remnants of day
night stands proud and the sun
hides behind the cloak of the blackest of skies
dawn still sleeps
i lay beside you
silent, like a shadow
i plant a kiss, yet you do not stir
outside, the wind whispers your name
and we are still
black, like satin, flowing freely
smooth like the still waters
cold like december
sleep slowly creeping, like my fingers combing your hair
you wake and smile
teeth like diamonds gleaming
in the dark
you take me
and i, you
the wolves howl
and i moan
deep. deeper into the darkness
silken kisses, masking the hunger
that night awakened
i no longer recognize your face
your smile ceased to be warm and inviting
your touch, cold like death
i shiver in fear whenever you come near
i no longer understand your language
the words you speak like shards of glass
wounding my heart
i bleed, like a dying soldier
begging for death to take me
but i see only you, standing over me
the dark shadow over my dark days
you have changed when i have not
i no longer trust you
i no longer love you
i no longer yearn to be in your arms
for there is no love to be found there
only hurt and pain and suffering
my feet, too tired to walk away
but my soul no longer wants to stay
this too shall pass, so they say
but this ends, now