windsong

night falls and cover the city
rain falls like slivers of glass
the wind blows my thoughts to where you are
sleeping to the soothing music of my prayers
offered in earnest

i sigh at the thought of being with you
feeling your warmth as i touch your body
watching you silently breathe
eyes closed

my spirit soar and my wings unfurl
i fly to your side
be mine
be mine
i sing unto the heavens

silently wishing the gods to hear
my plea
my dreams carry me to paradise
with you
for it is the only place i can find you

be mine, please be mine

alone again, naturally

i remember my friend singing this song a lot whenever we have karaoke sessions: on my own.

this song is actually from a musical and it’s vivid imagery of being a desperate soul longing for someone’s attention borders on being pathetic, but i can’t help singing that song today.

although i am not singing this song for someone in particular, it just punctuates whatever it is that i am feeling right now.

there are days where i let myself feel things i would otherwise dismiss as trivial.

this is one of those days.

i let myself wallow in my perceived misery. although i am not really sad, i feel like i am in a sad, sad state. i let myself feel lonely. lonely because i am alone. lonely because i want someone to share my completeness with. i want someone to want me.

yes, a can be pathetic. i am allowed to be like that. and i allow myself to be pathetic sometimes. i am human after all.

i know that being alone is not really something to be sad about. there are so many things in this world to be sad about, like hunger or poverty. but i allow myself to be sad for shallow reasons because there are times that my feelings come first. hunger and poverty are not even parts of my emotional equation. and i can be shallow.

sometimes, when i’m neck deep in work, i wish there would be someone who’d say: ‘it’s okay, i’m here.’

or when i’m too tired to think he’d say: ‘let me fix you something to perk you up.’

or just someone to welcome me home after a long day at work.

but right now it’s just me. and my thoughts.

i’m not even sure i can handle a relationship right now, but it doesn’t hurt to have someone to talk to, go out on a movie date with, have lunch with, be crazy with, fall in love with. even friends just can’t give me what i want right now.

i want those days back. those days when someone would come pick me up. or those days when he’d stay up all night for me because i work nights. or those days when we would make plans about the future. our future.

sigh. yeah, i’m having one of those days.

breaking a bad habit

i have been smoking since high school. been drinking alcohol since college. sleeping with men since my teens. i bitch about everything. i can be a sloth. i am a bad, bad boy.

but those are not my bad habits.

those are just quirks. little quirks most people have as well.

so what are my bad habits?

my biggest bad habit can be found right smack in the middle of the country’s financial district and the city’s seedy red light district.

my bad habit is made up of concrete, steel, grease, gears, buttons, monsters and demons.

my biggest bad habit is a habit i started five years ago. and like all bad habits, this one started out harmlessly enough until i found out that i am already addicted and it would be so hard to break.

like smoking.

you don’t really get anything much out of smoking, but still, you take that drag and puff out that gray smoke, not thinking about the crap you dump into your lungs.

my bad habit is a lot like that: i don’t really get anything except for the fifteenth and the last day of the month. yet i will myself to travel a great distance, careful not being late and not minding how numb my bad habit is making me.

nothing really shocks me anymore. and that’s all thanks to my biggest bad habit.

i just turn away when i see men leave their wives and children for another and act like it’s the most normal thing in the world. i don’t even blush when i hear other people’s illicit affairs. i have overcome the urge to puke when i see people brown nose just because. and i don’t even feel a thing when people stab each other in the back. i am numb.

my biggest bad habit has taught me that all things that are right are not really right. my biggest bad habit has taught me the ‘what’s in it for me?’ principle. and the best lesson i learned from my biggest bad habit? trust is just a condom.

rehash

cofiboi’s old stuff. 🙂 or my attempts at poetry.

HEAT

drops of sweat slowly run
down my chest
and my breathing gets heavy
with each thrust

the heat that emanates from
my body hangs heavy in the room
the raw smell of passion
ignites the desires that have long lay dormant

my lungs ache to scream
but your kisses muffle my moans
you hold me in a deep, engulfing embrace
our bodies uniting in one fluid mass

we are nearing climax

yet you step away
leaving me empty
you admire your work in me
I await for you to fill me again

my desire grows stronger
and bonds with your own yearning

and we resume.

FLIRT

each sip, each gulp is an invitation
each stare is a sentence

you smile, coyingly
i smile back
you took another gulp
i lit a cigarette

you nod
i motion you to come over
the music is deafening but fail
to muffle the whispers
that we have been sharing

from across the room you smile again
the lights go crazy
and you are drowned in the crowd

i took a drag
blew the smoke out
turned around

and there you were again.

AFFIRMATIONS

one, keep your head up
two, look your best
three, give it all you’ve got

be honest
show your real face
love yourself
be indestructible

walk tall
your pride drives you
be your own inspiration
you are exceptional

show the world what you can do
be the difference
work it

command yourself
be in control
unleash your potential
this is you.

sea foam

i stare listlessly

thoughts escape me

your face, the only image i see

by the beach, that’s where i want to be

the morning sun, shines in the cloudless sky

birds, magnificent birds fly idly by

but i am not moved, i do not know why

then tears suddenly stream from my eyes

warm summer nights by the sea

two lovers, we

share our souls, our hearts, never want to break free

but there’s no more us, only me

by the shore i sit and wait

for you, my love and trusting fate

to bring me you, that is my faith

again i sit idly and wait