It’s Just Different Now

Makati, April 2022

First post of 2022! Yay!

A lot has happened in the past two years which has brought collective trauma to the world’s population. But I am hopeful (?) that things will be better soon.

I will be turning 40 this year. Imagine that.

Thankfully, I am not bogged down by any existential questions or any of that sort- yet.

So I live each day as they come.

Over the past few days, Manila has become host to my little family. Namely, my mother, brother and our helper.

In the past, I’m the one who books a flight to Davao and spend a couple of days there. But this time, it’s the other way around.

Maybe I’m just not as patient with family as I thought I was. Maybe our quality moments are best spent in small doses. We were never close as a family; although we’re a small one.

So our grownup talks now border on the superficial. I share more with my friends and partner than with my mother.

Because I feel like there really is not a lot to share. We don’t speak on the phone often but the pandemic allowed us to change our family dynamics a little bit: video calls are more common but still infrequent, we message each other often, and we check on each other now more than ever.

So maybe that’s just how our relationship is now. Distant yet intimate.

I love them, I miss them but I think i’ve had enough of family time this quarter and ready to go back to my boring, independent adult life.