the guitar man

his guitar sits on a corner

the strings yearned to be strummed once more

to be touched by those loving hands

whose gift was like the voice of an angel

but his music ceased to be heard

his guitar would no longer be played

for he has been called by the maker

i remember his songs

the safety in his voice

and the joy, the joy he shared

the guitar man, that’s what i remember

like a faded photograph, etched in my memory

like beautiful poetry, written in the pages of eternity

the guitar man would no longer play for me

his voice, now a mere echo

but his music lives on forever

his melody is in my heart

so goodbye for now, my guitar man

i will see you again

singing with angels







and so the story ends

beer and vodka is a bad mix for me.

i am prone to do stupid things when i am wasted. like really stupid things. stupid things like doing body shots in broad daylight. or pouring out my feelings to someone i’m not supposed to have feelings for and then totally forgetting what he said back.

so we were out drinking and stupid drunk me asked him and his friends to come over. first it was all laughter and fun. then things started to get crazy. i was told to do a dare, and since i’m already drunk, i did it without hesitation. fuck.

so i did some really crazy things and i thought i’d leave it at that. then we ordered vodka. that’s when the craziness turned into insanity. i went insane. i blame it in the alcohol. seriously. the things i said should have never been said. and not said in the condition i was in. but  the moment i uttered those words, though drunk, i knew everything would fall apart.

good thing i chose to forget his answer. i remember parts of it but the whole thought is lost on me.

and i have to live with my actions. although i do not regret what i have done, i only wish i could have done those things sober. for maximum effect.

and since i have already said my piece and i do not expect to get anything in return, i am putting an end to this stupidity. i am closing this chapter and move on to a newer, more sober one. i do not want to close the book on him, because in the end, i would want us to be friends.

come monday, the only thing i’m scared of would be the awkward moments. i hope there would be none, but i guess it would be part of the consequences that i must face because of my stupid, drunken actions.

so good luck to me, and more beer please. 🙂

white flag

i made a mistake and i feel like i have betrayed myself. i knew that this would happen, deep in my heart i knew. and in a classic move made by me, i let the pieces fall knowing i would be the only one to pick them up. a recurring scene that keeps on playing as if on an extended loop.

i have always been honest with myself and i take pride in the fact that i always knew the risks involved. and like what i have always said: in the morning i will be okay.

and that’s true. i am truly okay.

i had a conversation with a friend yesterday and she wanted to know my perspective on loving. it was very interesting because when i was dishing out my selfish philosophies, i realized that these beliefs helped me understand the complexities of love.

i told her that there’s always a risk involved and it would be up to you if you would be willing to risk it or not. that there would be always pain and it would be your call if you would want to stop hurting or the pain is still worth it to continue loving.

you cannot control what the other person feels but you can control how you feel. you control yourself, even if you’re throwing yourself at someone whom you haven’t have the slightest idea if the feeling would be mutual, you would still be in control. although it takes a lot of will to keep yourself from getting carried away. i told her that one should leave something for himself so that when everything falls apart, one would have something to build on.

i am picking up the pieces and i am okay. the pain is worth it. but i am putting an end to it.

i am waving the white flag of surrender, i couldn’t afford the risk anymore.