And I thought I have moved on.
Apparently, this moving on thing is a very organic process for me. Translation: really slow.
Last year when an opportunity to start fresh came my way, my former manager and supervisor threatened me with a lawsuit. Citing a clause in my contract that would forbid me to take that opportunity. I got scared. Turned down the offer and stayed.
A year after, I got another opportunity to leave. I took it. But my former company would not want me to get that opportunity. But this time, I thought myself brave, so I moved forward.
I still remember how it happened, my leaving:
Since I would be working for the same program but in another company, I made it a point to be open, honest and direct with the people who supervised me. I told them my plans. That my decision has no malice. I do not intend to bring anyone down. I was taking this opportunity because I no longer see myself growing with the organization. So I left. They still threatened me with a lawsuit though.
I was about to start working again when I got a call that my job offer would be retracted because of two things: the clause in my previous contract and the program director reached out to my would-be boss effectively blocking my employment.
I was devastated. I never knew that their fear would be their ultimate weapon against me.
What they did to me broke me. I am broken. I thought that not thinking about it would make this feeling go away. But it still lingers. It’s still here.
Now a lot of people believe that I am better than this. And I appreciate that. But right now, I don’t see myself as anything but broken.
I will pick up the pieces and start again. I know that. There’s nothing to do but move forward.
But I am still broken. They broke me. And I’m angry.