i made a mistake and i feel like i have betrayed myself. i knew that this would happen, deep in my heart i knew. and in a classic move made by me, i let the pieces fall knowing i would be the only one to pick them up. a recurring scene that keeps on playing as if on an extended loop.
i have always been honest with myself and i take pride in the fact that i always knew the risks involved. and like what i have always said: in the morning i will be okay.
and that’s true. i am truly okay.
i had a conversation with a friend yesterday and she wanted to know my perspective on loving. it was very interesting because when i was dishing out my selfish philosophies, i realized that these beliefs helped me understand the complexities of love.
i told her that there’s always a risk involved and it would be up to you if you would be willing to risk it or not. that there would be always pain and it would be your call if you would want to stop hurting or the pain is still worth it to continue loving.
you cannot control what the other person feels but you can control how you feel. you control yourself, even if you’re throwing yourself at someone whom you haven’t have the slightest idea if the feeling would be mutual, you would still be in control. although it takes a lot of will to keep yourself from getting carried away. i told her that one should leave something for himself so that when everything falls apart, one would have something to build on.
i am picking up the pieces and i am okay. the pain is worth it. but i am putting an end to it.
i am waving the white flag of surrender, i couldn’t afford the risk anymore.