i am tried of looking at the glass half-full. maybe there are people out there who work for ego but i am not one of them. i hate it when i am being taking advantage of and just like a doormat, i lay there, doing nothing.
yes i am angry. i am angry because of the things thrown my way. if more people knew what i have been going through, they’d be angry too.
i just can’t grasp the logic behind me needing to go through hoops just to get what i deserve. or maybe, they think that THIS is what i deserve: a glorified gopher. but that’s just plain hogwash.
they said it’s s.o.p. and that i should just do whatever it it i need to do and i’d get what i should have been getting a long time ago. but the thing is, how on earth am i supposed to walk on a tight-rope while juggling knives and jumping through hoops of fire? people who are doing the same thing i do didn’t go through what i need to go through and we practically do the same thing but the disparity in compensation is glaring!
it’s not about passion anymore. and although i love what i do and i have never shortchanged them, i am the one being shortchanged and there hasn’t been any explanation why i am in this crappy situation.
people who know what i am going through ask why i put up with it. i just smile and say ‘they’ll come around and take pity on me.’ but that time never came. i have cried over this not because i feel sorry for myself but because i was so frustrated and angry and the only way i can release that anger without being violent is to cry.
i’m still wondering why i turned out to be masochistic. i have always seen myself as the assertive type, but apparently, that isn’t true anymore. and that’s why i am angry.
i am angry because they have rendered me powerless. if i leave, i’d be starting from scratch again and i’m scared of that. but i am not motivated anymore and i am starting to resent it. talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. although starting again is looking more and more inviting everyday.
i am not saying that i am indispensable, but i just feel like i needed to be given what is rightfully mine (though others might say otherwise). i am this close of throwing in the towel. i have suffered enough.